Finish

When mom first left us i felt it was important to write about her last 24hours. I’ve looked back at what I’ve written so far, I know where I am in the story….it’s hard to finish because it keeps taking me back to the day when my world turned upside down. But something is also compelling me to finish it. I want to write it, to share it, so that you can all see how awesome it was. Because in all the pain, there was also beauty. I just have to get through my pain to share that beauty.
It’s coming. I will finish the story.
I will share how that woman who showed us so much about life, also taught us how to die.

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It’s okay to cry

It’s been awhile since I’ve cried…I’m avoiding the tears. But today, for some reason, I cried. A few times. Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas came on the radio…I cried.
I told someone at work that I was trying to decorate the office to be festive….I cried.
I talked to Stan on the way to work about his baby, and Katie’s baby…I cried.
It just comes out of nowhere. Or it’s Christmas and I want my mom.
Dad told me that he bought some Christmas cards to send to a few relatives….said he couldn’t send them to everyone mom did, because he just couldn’t—–that made me wonder, “how is he signing the cards? And how is he doing this?!?”
Then his voice cracked a little….and I cried.
Crying every once in awhile is okay…I just need to remember to NOT cry sometimes too. 🙂