After the funeral there were so many flowers. Most of them were brought to my house, I hated feeling like I was living in a funeral home…but I didn’t want them anywhere else.
Most of the guests had gone home, except Beth (Paula’s dearest friend, who is family). She helped us press the flowers that we wanted to keep. We spent an entire day doing so. I hated it. Those flowers that i didn’t want to see every morning when i came down the stairs…I also didn’t want anyone to touch. But touch them we did, press them we did.
Last weekend Paula, Aimie, Katie and I decided to start framing some of the pressed flowers. It was time. We spent almost an entire day, crying and laughing and arranging flowers. We are going to send one to each of mom’s kids, and one to Aunt Char (mom’s sister).
I’m not sure how I feel about dried flowers. Not something that I’d usually choose to decorate with…but these are memories. An expression of the love that was poured out to us. Somehow, reminding us of mom. Not like the living flowers that mom loved so much, different. The beautiful, lush flowers that surrounded us at the funeral are different now, they will not come back…but we will preserve the memory of them in a new way.
She’s not coming back either. We will have to learn to be okay with the memories. Why is that such a hard concept to grasp at times. But it’s going to be okay. We are going to be okay. There will continue to be sad days, but there will also be happy days. Things will not be the same, ever. But that’s something we will adjust to as well.