Day +16 Wednesday

I’m sick of calling every day a number.  I’d like to get far enough out of this that days are just mon, tues, wed, thurs….again.   But not yet.  Just when I think we’re getting close to normal, this crap sucks us back in.  My Godfather reference there.

Bob’s platelets are not exactly low enough to receive a transfusion, but his eyes are bloody looking and he’s getting some blood when he blows his nose.  So we are at the hospital getting a transfusion.  Had a very rough trip here.  Just walking from the elevator to the clinic (a bit of a trek, but not something he can’t do) Bob had a bit of a coughing fit.  Had to stop in a public restroom and puke.  I stood outside the men’s restroom and guarded the door.  I don’t know what I thought I would do if someone wanted in….maybe Freak out a bit.  That would probably deter someone from entering.  Finally got to the infusion center, he coughed and puked upon arrival.  I’m sure the nurses love to see a patient entering like this.  Drugged him up, gave him platelets, I took a walk.  Down the hall and down memory lane.  Saw the BMT unit where we were years ago.  They’ve changed a few things.  Why do I feel like I want to run away?  I briefly consider leaving him here for a bit and taking off….where would I go?

Okay, back to the infusion center.  He’s stopped coughing, but is wiped out.  The nurse gets us a wheelchair to get him out to the car.  He looks like he has two black eyes, the coughing fit blew a few more blood vessels YUCK.  As I wheel him out of the hospital and through the lobby, people stare.  I want to run away again….but I’ve got this wheelchair, hard to run.

I cried half of the drive home.

Mom sees her doctor tomorrow.  I told her I’d go with her….not sure she wants me in this condition.  God help me.  I called her and she came over to sit with us.  We talked about the day.  She says, “you know we go through this struggle every day and people think that because we’re not falling apart every day that we are okay.  Sometimes we just need to fall apart.  Sometimes when cancer just punches you in the eyes (quite literally) you just need to cry.  As long as we continue to pick ourselves up.”

Psalm 55:22   Give your burdens to the Lord, and he will take care of you. He will not permit the godly to slip and fall.   Don’t let me fall God.

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Day +9

Administered Bob’s IV antibiotic this morning, pushed him to take the good drugs so he doesn’t puke in the car, and made it to the clinic by 9.

WBC 100 today.  HCT 34. PLT 20.  Great bump from PRBCs but not such a good PLT bump.  Oh well….patience.   The fever work- up requires a chest X-ray,  so we get to go visit the hospital again.

The Creatinine is moving in the right direction too, 1.6 today.  The docs are still a bit concerned about kidney function.  We’re not concerned.  We will continue to receive a liter of fluids IV every day at clinic, and now we’ll also give a liter of fluids at home every day.  “Just keep him hydrated”, the nephrologist told us when he knew Bob was going for transplant.  He’ll be fine.  His kidneys are great.  Remember all the prayers over those kidneys?  They have no choice but to perform as God created them to.  Amen

Mom said she and dad went shopping this morning.  Good, that means she’s feeling better.  She’s going to come over today and visit.  yah!!!  I may just cook her dinner.

Weird side-note:  so the nurse that came last night was on-call.  She didn’t act too happy to be there at 11 pm.  Complained a lot about getting calls late at night.  Weird…she was there to help us…Not complain to us.   Do people realize the bad attitudes they carry around are unattractive at the least…and could even be quite harmful to others.  Note to self:  be NICE no matter what.