October 11, 2011

Woke up early this morning, before the sun was up and prayed.  Then started to cry.  Not out of fear, not out of doubt or unbelief…just because.  Just because I hate that this is happening to our family.

Mom’s fighting cancer again.  Bone marrow biopsy last week showed leukemia.  Saw the oncologist yesterday and it looks like we are getting ready to start this fight again.  Chemotherapy to start as soon at they get approval from the insurance company.

We know this fight.  (too well)  We arm ourselves AGAIN with the sword of the word.  We speak life into this situation.  Cancer we resist you…you must flee.  God promised us that healing is ours.  Jesus, the SON of God, promised that by his sacrifice we are healed.  We can believe in the promises of God.  I believe this. 

So why do I cry?  Why does it hurt so much?  Why do I feel like “come on, enough is enough already”!   I battle my flesh and my emotions, knowing that God will answer and God will strengthen us again for this fight.  I ask Him “did we not learn something the first 2 times we battled cancer in this family?  What do we need to learn from this?  Can you help us to learn what we need to so we can move THROUGH this once and for all?”

I stopped crying, got out of bed and decided to walk while the sun was rising.  Got dressed, left the house and proceeded toward the park.  It was still dark.  Where is the sun?  As I walked I prayed.  “I surrender God.  I surrender all; all to you God.  I surrender.”

The street lights were still on, it was a little bit eerie.   There is a bend in the sidewalk that leads between two very tall pine trees.  For a brief moment I felt afraid of the dark, afraid of this path…”where is the sun?”  I kept walking and held my head high, I’m not afraid.  The sun will rise.  The sun WILL RISE.

I will walk through the dark again if I have to because I know the SON will rise.

 Malachi 4:2 But for you who revere my name, the sun of righteousness will rise with healing in His wings.