Be still in the presence of the Lord, and wait patiently for him to act.     
~ Psalm 37:7

Wait Patiently.  Like 8 years??  I’m trying.  I sometimes think I’m doing well, too.  I talked to our doctor’s office the other day to get some thyroid blood results on Bob.  The nurse that works with our doctor apologized to me.  She gave me the normal results and I said, “TSH is normal then?  No increasing of the synthroid?  Ok, well I thought maybe that was why he’s been so tired.”      All she replied was, “I’m so sorry Kim.”

Yep, me too.

Patience means I don’t cry, scream, holler, throw things….I just say, “Oh I’m fine.  It’s okay.”  Inside I’m not fine, I’m not okay.  I’m angry and I keep thinking – ‘why does bob act so sick all the time even when the blood tests are normal and mom acts so well even when her blood tests are wacked?”

I don’t have the answers.  But I wonder…..

Does Bob have a spirit of sickness on him?  Something on him telling him all the time “you’re sick”.  And mom has a spirit of faith telling her “you are going to be okay…”?

Don’t know.   Can’t figure it out.   Working on that patience thing though.

Patience (in the dictionary) =

lack of complaint  (not always free from complaints here…for the most part?  but every once in awhile…I’m trying)

persistence  (do I have a choice?  persistence and perseverance John G. told me once a long time ago….a loooong time ago…..still going – that’s persistence right?)

fortitude (makes me think of strength.  I am weak.  God is strong.  His strength is made perfect in my weakness.  Be strong God.  I need you to.)

serenity  (not always serene here…but working on my quiet times with God again.  that still small voice is still there.)

tolerance (NO  I will NOT tolerate it.  why should I tolerate cancer, Sickness?! No, I won’t.  tolerate feels like acceptance to me.  I do NOT accept.  period.)

I think it all comes down to that “BE STILL IN THE PRESENCE OF THE LORD” part.  So I’ve got to remember, it’s not all about the patiently waiting…it’s about the patiently waiting while I’M STILL (quiet) in HIS presence.  Take me there God.  Take me into your presence.  I will wait.  And you will move.

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