Aimie stayed all night with us last night. She slept on the couch next to Bob’s recliner. I slept in my bed all night….like a rock! Thank you Aimie. Katie will stay all night this weekend. A good nights sleep sure helps.
Yesterday it felt a little like I was “on the edge”. The edge of what? Sane and insane? Sleep and awake? Fear and faith? Where ever I was it was not comfortable. A full nights sleep later…all good. Funny that nothing around us has changed; Bob still has bloody eyes, we still drive to the clinic every morning for counts and doctor visits, still fighting cancer. What changes is inside. Something in me rises up again. Faith, God, the Holy Spirit? Is it all just sitting there under my fatigue…and when I lay it all down and cry out “help!” it surfaces again.
I am going with mom and dad to see her doctor. The plan was to start the horrific chemo injections again on Monday. My question…is it working? Mom seems so tired, and her blood work is still showing cancer. Does she need to go through another round of this if it’s not working? Stan was over last night…he has the same questions. But the doctors just don’t know. God knows. When do you stop getting beat up by chemo? Is it always such a fight? Can’t we have one of those miraculous healings? How about cancer just goes away now? Can we lay down our weapons and still win? Or do you have to fight all the way to the end?
Just wondering….but I still believe. If God says we can have what we have faith for (as long as it is His will—-which healing is) then we will have healing.