Mom started her next round of chemo today. Her first of 7 days in a row, then a bone marrow biopsy a week later. Bob had another day off today. Woke up puking again.
Is anyone as sick of reading this crap as I am of writing it?
I have a lot of stuff inside my head…but most of it would sound like insane, unstable flight-of-ideas; so I’ll just keep it sane here (or as sane as possible). Being under this amount of stress for such an extended amount of time, or as Aimie says ‘living in survival mode’ for this amount of time—may just be messing with my head. Or maybe I’m just now thinking clearly? (see what I mean?)
I want more out of life. More than just surviving. More than just waiting for cancer to go away. When this is over….I want more. Life more abundantly. There is a lot of time to think about life while your sitting here facing death. I tend to wonder…when God gave us this gift of life, not just when we were born, or even born again, but I’m talking about when Bob was given this second chance at life….eight years ago when he woke up from that coma and walked out of the hospital that all the doctors told us he would die in….that GIFT of life: did we squander the gift? We went back to work, we clicked off days on a calendar, we didn’t do anything magnificent with the gift. We didn’t do anything life- changing…..does God want more from us? I want more from Him.