I’m tired. I’m crabby. I’m sad. I’m a tiny bit afraid. Afraid of what? I don’t know. I do know that God did not give me a spirit of fear, so I need to get away from it.
Bob has moments of ‘life’, like today when he decided that he wanted to go to the grocery store on the way home from the clinic. This burst of energy was gone as quickly as it came and he had to use a grocery store scooter as he was too tired to walk through the store.
After our quick trip to the store Bob’s dad came to sit with him so that I could go sit with mom. She had her chemo today and isn’t feeling so good. They had to give her IV fluids because her blood pressure was LOW…like 90/40 low. She never complains. She’s a rock star. She’s so strong, and so generous, and so much doesn’t want to put anyone else out….but she needs to be pampered right now. And if I have to drag Bob’s tired butt over there to sit on her couch all day, I will!
So I’d like to apologize to anyone who I’ve been rude to, calls that I haven’t answered, texts that I cannot reply to. Because I don’t have the energy to care about anything else right now. I’m sorry that I don’t care…but I don’t. I don’t care about anything that isn’t related to this fight. Everything else feels trivial. I know I should be trying to enjoy life, and re-engage…but right now I feel like taking my eyes off the fight may result in a sucker punch that could end me. Fatally dramatically? Maybe. But that’s where I am today. God please help me to have more faith, more peace, more of You.
And Mike – my socks don’t match.