I haven’t remembered any of my dreams for a while now.  Connor and Stan had such comforting dreams…I prayed for God to give me dreams.  Good ones.

The first dream I remember was of the funeral.  (not good)  It was not the actual funeral, but I was aware it was mom’s.  We were outside, in a garden and we were all setting up chairs.  We were in dresses and suits…mom came out of nowhere in her robe and slippers, she started helping move chairs around and told me, “your dad likes it this way.  make sure you do it like this…” then she moved his chair.

hmmmm….

Then I had another dream night before last.  I was sleeping in mom and dads bed, on dad’s side of the bed.  I heard someone walking down the hall, it was my Pastor and another man.  They walked by the room and just looked in at me.  I woke up (in the dream) and looked at the clock – it was 2:30 AM and I thought ‘oh I’m not late, I can go back to sleep’.  Then 2 ‘beings’ entered the room.  they floated in, they were in the loose shape of a human, clear but blurry to see through…and were full of pockets of light.  one was obviously bigger than the other.  I was immediately afraid.  they came to the bed and the big one hovered over me, as if it were a human laying on top of me.  the small one got into the bed on the right side of me.  on mom’s side of the bed.  I tried to speak, but couldn’t.  I was afraid.  I tried very hard to speak and heard my words garble as they came out.  I felt like my chest was getting tighter, smothered.  I focused very hard and finally said “JESUS…send them away if they’re not from you”.  I think I said it out loud as it felt as if I was gaining consciousness.  immediately after I said it, the fear left.  the beings didn’t.  the one on top of me came closer, almost smothering me but I raised both arms up and stuck them straight through this thing, wrapping them around it.  I felt like it was full of butterflies, fluttering inside my chest and my gut.  the small one on the side pushed against me too.  it felt very fluttery on my right side.  i just started to feel peace/happy and they were gone.

before bed last night I prayed for God to let me see mom.  I dreamed last night that she was sitting with me.  I asked her if she was in heaven.  she said, “I think this is heaven”  I asked what she was doing.  “planting”  I asked if she’d seen Jesus.  “not yet”  I asked if the planting was hard.  “oh no, not at all”  I asked if she was with her mom.  “yes”  (don’t know why but…) I asked if she had bowel movements in heaven.  (?? I don’t know ??)  she smiled and said “no”   that was all.

wish I had someone who could interpret all of that.  weird.

grief is weird.  we are all going through some pretty weird things.  I used to hear people say strange things regarding their grief process after losing their mom.  I thought it was weird.  now I know.  it IS WEIRD, but it happens.