Late June, I wrote this. Still feels like I’m sinking….or going to beat a strangers child. 🙂

Today I had to go with Bob to see his nephrologist, then the BMT doctor, then to the hospital for his breathing treatment….because, oh yeah – we are still only three months out from his transplant and that means we are still up to our necks IN IT.
I hate that we had to talk to Dr M about mom, I hate that I have to explain why we are not happy about Bob’s progression…because I don’t care right now.
Bob is a complainer. Not that he doesn’t have things to complain about. He does. But it seems unfair that he’s better, he’s still here, he’s constantly complaining and unhappy and seems so generally hate life….and she’s gone. She didn’t complain (much), and lived every second. Enjoyed life every day.
Weird feelings. Probably normal. I’m sure it is…
And I’m sitting in this waiting room …. And there is a kid in here with her iPad so freaking loud … Sesame street …. So loud … And she keeps pushing the rewind and repeating the same line in this song that Elmo or Tellie is singing … “colors mix above my head, like orange made with yellow and red” over and over and over and over
I am going to kick something
Over and over and over

Maybe it stopped….nope. Colors still mixing.
I should stop now, because this anger is not looking pretty spewed all over this page.