I’ve had a few people over the past month tell me to “get away…take a trip…do something for yourself”. I resisted it, being the control freak that I am, I thought maybe my being here every day watching dad, calling dad, making sure he’s eating, etc. was helping in keeping it together. (NOT true, I’m not helping keep it together, I’m just closer at watching it fall apart).
I also quite honestly just didn’t want to go away. I’m not in a vacationing, having fun sort of mood yet. (and how dare anyone else be having fun yet!!) So I resisted the get away…until I realized that I was sort of having these mini-breakdowns, and not really helping anyone around here so much anyway. I mean…is it really helping anyone to see me cry, yell, shut down or fall apart?
I don’t think so. I guess I’m coming to that realization, I really cannot help anyone else in the state that I’m in. So I’ll just work on helping myself first. As selfish as that originally sounded to me…maybe it’s necessary (as long as there is SOMEONE here who will pick up the pieces should they fall to the ground again…as they seem to every day). Team work. I have to rely on the others in the family who will step up and help.
And — If it takes a weekend away once in awhile just to let me know that the world won’t stop turning while I leave, so be it. Next time longer…and Paris?