White Flag

When mom died, I remember feeling the intense grief and deciding that I wanted it all….all the grief and all the pain. I thought that if I faced it all, and took it all, I could get it over with and not return to grief years later. Good plan huh?
Well, I’m waving a white flag here. I’d like to be finished now, no more grief please. Even if that means that some time later in life I face it again, or I walk down a path that leads me to tears and sadness, that’s okay. I don’t think I’m going to stay in this place and somehow overcome grief, or beat it into submission.

Yes, my plan sucked.
Grief sucks.

Maybe grief turned to depression? Maybe I stayed there too long, waiting to battle it all at once – mistakenly thinking that I’d finish grieving and never face it again. Well I was wrong. And maybe time is what heals. The grief will always be there, I just need to choose not to live IN IT every day.

So, waving the white flag and walking away from it. Grief – you win. You’re bigger than me. I can’t beat you or make you go away. But I can choose to walk away from you. I know you’ll be there waiting for me, should I choose to come back and wallow around in the mud again.
But for now, peace out.

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