Finding Myself Lost

I’ve been searching for God lately. I know He’s not lost, but maybe I’m coming to realize that I was. So I have enlisted some drastic measures to get found.
I am a loyal church attender. I feel safe in a church body. I need that corporate fellowship. However, about 6 weeks ago I started attending new churches. A very hard thing to do after attending the same church for close to 20 years. Felt like a breakup; a breakup that I initiated. Not because they had done anything wrong, not because of anything they had done or not done. It was all about me, I was not getting my needs met. Sounds selfish. If this was a relationship with another person I would be giving myself the advice, “stay, don’t give up, get counseling, maybe it’s you.” For awhile that advice kept me there, but I wasn’t finding God. I decided it was more important to fix my relationship with Him than to be loyal to a church. This was a hard decision to make! (Truth – not sure it was the right decision yet…)
So as I venture out in search of a closer relationship with God I wonder if I will feel safe. Will I feel fellowship with strangers in a strange church, singing new songs that I don’t know? Or will I want to slip in unnoticed and enjoy the anonymity in it all?
We shall see.
One thing I know – I’ve stepped out of the boat, with my hands held out toward Him. And if this is where I am found, alone with the one who sees me and knows me and understands me, I’m good with that right now.

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