“Today is the day!” is what the nurse said when we arrived at the clinic this morning. I responded with a bit of a song, sort of under my breath “today is the day that the Lord has made, we will rejoice and be glad in it.” “yup!” she said, “you’re all in now. no turning back!”
Good words for me to hear. Considering I woke up at 4:00 am and thought about whether or not this transplant was a good idea. I wondered if maybe we should postpone….maybe this is a bad idea….maybe Bob isn’t ready for this…maybe I’m not ready for this….how can we back out of this….
I seriously laid in bed and thought, “does my throat hurt?” “what if we fix that turkey for dinner and it makes Bob sick and he dies from food poisoning?” “has Bob shown any flu-like symptoms? the flu could kill him right now” “I think I may be coming down with something, I can’t be his care-taker 24/7 if I’m sick” “I think we should just talk to them and tell them we want to wait a bit….”
Then I prayed, “God is this wisdom? or fear?” (Okay, I did say it was 4:00 am and I wasn’t fully awake….Reading it back to myself I’m convinced it was fear). I sat up in bed, turned on the light and started to pray. The bible says “God did not give me a spirit of fear!” I will not be afraid.
I didn’t ask for this fight. I didn’t ask to climb back into this ring. But I can tell you for darn sure I’m not laying down to this. I will not bow to fear. I need to recognize it quicker -not entertain it in my thoughts, and tell it to GO! I didn’t ask to fight, BUT I know how to. The WORD is my sword and I will continue to use it.
Clinically speaking —
Today we sit in a small room at the clinic. one bed, one recliner, a chair and a stool. The room has a window, which is nice. The nurse drew blood, talked to us to explain potential side effects of the drugs she was infusing. Then told us that we’d be here every day for the next month having blood drawn and then receiving whatever was needed to support Bob through the recovery of the damage that the drug she was administering was going to do. Bob ate a popsicle while the drug infused (to decrease the circulation of the chemo to his mouth cells, because one of the side effects = mouth sores). The chemo infused pretty quickly, the liter of fluid is just about finished. We’re going to go eat lunch on our way home.
So far, so good.