Today I woke singing “Whats up?” by Four Non Blondes.  So what IS up with the flashback of songs?  ?

And so I cry sometimes when I’m lying in bed—Just to get it all out, what’s in my head.  I am feeling, a little peculiar.  And I say hey, hey…hey, hey. Hey, hey, hey what’s going on….

Hmmmmm…… Bob woke up with a mouth full of dried blood.  His platelets are low (platelets help your blood to clot) and since his are low he has a propensity to bleed.  He must have bitten his lip while sleeping.   No active bleeding so we weren’t too worried.  He’s got a few blood blisters in his mouth, we’ll just let the clinic know when we get there.

Got to clinic; WBC still zero.  Hgb/Hct 8 & 24.  Plt 7.  We will be going to the hospital after he gets his liter of fluids for a full day of blood and platelet transfusions.  As suspected. The nurse practitioner saw him today, she’s concerned about his kidneys.  Cr has been creeping up every day.  1.8 today.  So they want us to make an appointment with his nephrologist.  We’re not worried.  I remember 8 years ago when the doctors told us that he’d be on dialysis for the rest of his life.  Nope.

So I sit here in the Infusion Center on the 3rd floor of PSL hospital.  Weird place to be.  We are right down the hall from the room where Bob crashed 8 years ago. I walked past the room, and into the waiting room where Cindy and Stan sat….yuck.  Yuck.  What makes me want to walk into that waiting room?  I want to walk in and say, “See!  We’re fine!  Remember us?  We beat you before, we’ll beat you again!” Irrational?  Or not….it feels like the perfectly normal and RIGHT thing to do. Our brains are funny.  Memories are funny.  Not all ha-ha funny, some are just strange funny.   I’m not afraid anymore.  Fear is behind me….not looking back.  Bob and mom will walk through —- and out of this.

Back to my song…and I pray, oh my God do I pray….