land of pain

i don’t know how this feeling can be so personal, so selfish, and yet so textbook. Bob and I went to see his Bone Marrow Transplant doctor Monday. We told them about mom. I hate that they can tell us what we are going through, and what to expect, and that anger is normal….blah blah blah

I don’t want anyone telling me “i know how you feel” i don’t want to think that anyone else can feel this. because me relationship with my mom was MINE, so my grief is MINE. i don’t want someone to think that a textbook, or a psychology book can lay out the answers. NO.

i don’t want anyone telling me that it will get better. or that anyone can help. I’m waiting on God. even though i’m not talking to him right now, and not hearing him…i’m waiting on him to help me. If He’s got all this covered, and He’s all powerful, and He gets to make all the decisions in this…then He’s got it. He’d better help me. because i’m not sure anyone else can.

it will get better. i know it will. right now im just still in the land of pain and grief. i will walk through it. but if i have to be here…i want everything it’s got to give me.

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