High / Low for today? Nope. Today is just HIGH.

Yesterday I made a conscious decision to just say the good stuff. I had a talk with myself. I said, “Self!” (shout out to BAR there) “stop complaining, stop whining, stop acting like you have no faith! You are a child of God. He told you to just believe. He said He’d never leave you, and His promises are true.” I told myself to get out of the mud, stop wallowing in self pity and doubt, and that tiny bit of fear, and start acting like God loves me. Start acting like my FAITH tells me to. Walk by faith not by sight.

I get so caught up in the numbers, the test results, the physical symptoms, the exhaustion of it all….but wait! God doesn’t get exhausted. He doesn’t get tired. He doesn’t change. He is the rock on which I stand. So ‘self’…shut up and stand on that rock. So after having an attitude and faith adjustment…I feel better. Going to church last night helped too. Even though Bob didn’t last through it all.

Sooooo, even though the numbers aren’t what we are hanging on to, and we are walking by faith and not by blood tests, today I’m going to celebrate a blood test.

Saw the nurse practioner at clinic today. She said, “we drew cancer markers Tuesday…you wanna know results?” Told her no, we would wait awhile. We were not ready to talk about cancer yet…needed to recover from transplant…”thought Jeff told us we were not going to look at light chains until he was 90 days out?” I responded, a bit in shock. I haven’t even prepared to think about the results of this transplant yet….

“Well you’re gonna want to know these results, light chains 10. Bob, you don’t have cancer. The transplant worked!”

I’m still crying.




Day+15 high – low

When the girls were young and our family would sit around the dinner table at night, we played a game called highs and lows.  We went around the table and stated our high point of the day, and our low point.  It seems that lately I have lots of highs and lows in each and every day.

Today’s low:  Bob woke up at 3 am vomiting again.  Then puked up breakfast before going to the clinic.

Today’s high:  We saw doctor M today and he cancelled the infectious disease doctor visit.  He’s not too worried about the pneumonia.  Bob’s on enough antibiotics, and has a normal white blood count, he’ll be fine.  And he discontinued the IV fluids in the clinic (minimizing our stay there every day), and he told us that we can have the weekend OFF!  No clinic visit this weekend.  Woooooo hooooooo

After we left the clinic we went to a party store so he could buy a wig.  After trying on mullets, dread locks and Afros, he settled on a punk rocker black one and a beach bum blonde one.  He’s gonna have fun with his baldness.

I’m trying very hard to stay emotionally stable in this high/low roller coaster of daily events.  I think I just need to take it one moment at a time.  Enjoying the highs, and coasting through the lows.