Today was another good day.  We didn’t have to be at the clinic until 10:15 so we slept in a bit.  When we arrived at the clinic we were told that Bob’s blood tests looked good, he didn’t need any IV fluids, electrolytes, or blood products.  So we were out of there in about 30 minutes.

We were told that he’d probably need blood and platelet transfusions by early next week…so Bob figured he had a short window of time to get some shopping done.  We went to visit my mom….she and Bob decided they wanted to go to Bed, Bath & Beyond for a few “as seen on TV” products.

The anti-nausea drugs that Bob is on make him want to shop. ?? I have no idea why.  It was like this last time too.  After he was discharged from the hospital last transplant, my mom would sit with him during the day while I worked.   They watched infomercials and purchased (I was told) much needed items.  Last time this happened I threatened to take his credit cards away from him.  Since the shopping today required them to actually walk through the store, the ‘much needed’ items were limited to a Lint Lizard for mom and a Shed Pal pet hair vacuum for Bob.  They were both thrilled with their purchases.

“It’s been a great day!” mom said, “First I was able to take a soaky bath without hurting and now a Lint Lizard!”   Bob agreed, “Yeah Barb, it was a good shopping trip.”

It’s the little things.  We must remember to look for the good in every day….even if  the good things are Lint Lizards and Shed Pals.

 

 

 

Woke up  at 530 this morning to the sound of Bob vomiting.   Exactly as they said it would happen.  Dr. M told us that by the end of this week he will have the nausea, vomiting, hair loss and diarrhea.  He’s tried very hard to fight the mouth sores by rinsing his mouth out with a baking soda  and water solution.

It is all expected but that doesn’t mean it’s easy to accept.  I don’t think I’m scared anymore -thank you God!  There are brief moments of uneasiness that may be the beginnings of fear…but I’m praying it away as quickly as it comes.   Last night Bob’s parents visited and his mom was asking some questions about cancer and it’s causes and treatments … And the fact that doctors don’t have a cure yet….blah blah blah.    Does that stem from fear too?  The questions?  And the reliance on the doctors to cure him — even though they’ve said repeatedly that there is no cure,  just a chance at remission.  Fear sucks.  Even when I just see it on someone else.

But my hope, my faith, my trust is not in a drug or a doctor.  My faith is in God and His holy word.  I will continue to look to Him for the answers, because he’s got them.

My dear friend Cindy Hope used to say, “No matter how grey it looks, there is always a patch of blue.  So look up and see the patch of blue.”  This morning I saw a post on Facebook that wasn’t TO me but FOR me.  It said  — HERE’S YOUR DOSE OF BLUE SKY.    I think sometimes we just need to look for it.   Seek and you will find.

Since  I wrote today that “Bob stinks” I thought it appropriate to add this…

Bob has started to experience another side effect – diarrhea.  We were expecting it, so I had purchased some large incontinence pads for him to wear.    I figured that if he had to ride in my car to the clinic every day….I wanted a little protection.    It was beautiful outside today so I talked Bob into taking a walk with me.  Halfway down the street he told me that he didn’t know how women wore those pads….they were really sticky.  I had to think about it for a minute.  “Bob, you put the sticky side down right?”

It was a quick walk….lesson learned.

P.S.  I got his permission before posting this. Tooooo funny.

Bob stinks!  The preservative that the stem cells were frozen in smells very strongly of creamed corn….or some say garlic…or strong tomato soup.  Whatever it is…it stinks.  He excretes the preservative through his lungs, so every time he breathes he fills the air with this lovely smell.

Other than his odor, he’s great.  We stopped by my moms house yesterday on our way home from the clinic and had lunch with her.  Brought her a frosty….”mmmmmm this fuzzy sure is good!”  Then we went to the grocery store, then he called Aimie to bring him a set of blue prints to work on, then he played pool with his dad for a bit.  All-in-all a great transplant day.

Today we had a quick clinic visit.  Bob just needed some magnesium replacement…a 30 minute IV infusion and we were out of there.

So far, the worst part of transplant is the fact that we’ve been separated from our family–and we miss Connor and Blake.  Connor has croup and we can’t be near him, or anyone in that house.  Katie woke yesterday with a cough, so no seeing her for a while either.  Aimie says, “Even though we are divided we are together in spirit.” amen

Mom finished her week of chemo injections.  Worst part for her was the pain.  Her legs, her arms, her belly…she got shot everywhere.  She took Benadryl to sleep at night, and as I’ve already posted – she’s going commando these days.  I think the combination of the two lead to her crazy dream last night.  She called me this morning, “I think I need to see someone about my dreams.  Last night I dreamt that I was going on a date with Britt Hume, going to see Gone With the Wind; but when I came outside all the men were naked.  And Britt was naked!” We laughed so hard I almost peed myself.  She told her doctor about the dream too, he told her if she kept talking like this he was going to have her see the psychologist. 🙂

Laughter is good for the soul.  Bad for the bladder, but good for the soul.

The nurses at the clinic call today Bob’s birthday.  New life today.  Starting over.  Today he gets his stem cell transplant.

We arrived at the clinic at 7:45 am and got settled into a room.  Bob got hooked up to an IV and we waited for the doctor to see him.  After the doctor examined him and said he was good to go…..we waited some more.

Thats where we are now, waiting.  Those who wait on the Lord shall renew their strength.  Amen. 

The nurses have brought the water bath machine into the room, the frozen stem cells are here…..waiting.  He’s had his premeds….waiting.

I hope our strength is renewed in proportion to the waiting.

More later.

Yesterday was a good day for Bob.  Such a good day that the doc who saw him at the hospital told him we could stay home today.  A day of rest.  So today we will rest.

Yesterday after chemo we went to lunch then shopped a bit.  Katie, Jordan and Ashley were with us.   Seemed pretty normal.  Except I got a little freaky with fear again.  I would watch Bob go to the restroom at the restaurant and stare toward the doors, waiting for him to come out.  Waiting…..waiting……waiting…..”do you think he’s been in there too long?”

When we were finally home and he was resting on the couch watching the Big 12 wrestling championship on TV and telling the Mizzou wrestlers how to score points, I relaxed.  He’s okay.

Then when he fell asleep and began snoring heavily, I looked at him and out of nowhere I thought, “Oh my gosh! Bob has just had a lethal dose of chemo and now he’s laying here on the couch!!!!!!!  Holy crap!  What if he has a seizure?  What  if he gets sick?!”

But he will not.  This is not last time.  This is new.  Apples and oranges Teresa said.  Apples and oranges.  I had to get out my bible and start reading OUT LOUD (that’s when you know it’s serious) 🙂   I asked Bob to recite some stuff out loud for me too.  I asked him, “You’re gonna be okay right?  You’re not gonna react weirdly to this?”.  He is sure he’s okay and will be okay.  OK,  fear gone.

Apples and oranges.

Today is the same as yesterday, except we’re in the hospital instead of the clinic.  We’re in an old ICU room, no windows and lots of memories.  Yuck.

Bob feels great though.  Had decadron yesterday and today for a pre-med to the chemo.   He loves it.  Makes him hyper, and very happy.  Today will be another really good day for him so we’re going shopping and out to lunch after chemo.

No fear today, thank you God.  But I think my dad is taking the fear for all of us.  He needs to watch his words.  I think I need to talk with him.  Tell him to take every thought captive, examine his thoughts and reject the ones that don’t line up to the words that’s he’s praying every day.  Fear sucks.

One funny update regarding mom:

The shots they are giving her really hurt.  She’s got bruises all over and she says the pain is like a bad burn.  (that’s NOT the funny part)     In order to not irritate the tops of her legs every time she uses the restroom, she’s opted for not wearing underwear.  Yep, she’s going commando!  So yesterday when she went in for her shot, wouldn’t you know it the nurse asked to see her legs.  Mom said she had to go to the restroom with the nurse and explain the situation.  Hilarious!

“Today is the day!” is what the nurse said when we arrived at the clinic this morning.  I responded with a bit of a song, sort of under my breath “today is the day that the Lord has made, we will rejoice and be glad in it.”  “yup!” she said, “you’re all in now.  no turning back!”

Good words for me to hear.  Considering I woke up at 4:00 am and thought about whether or not this transplant was a good idea.  I wondered if maybe we should postpone….maybe this is a bad idea….maybe Bob isn’t ready for this…maybe I’m not ready for this….how can we back out of this….

I seriously laid in bed and thought, “does my throat hurt?”  “what if we fix that turkey for dinner and it makes Bob sick and he dies from food poisoning?”  “has Bob shown any flu-like symptoms?  the flu could kill him right now”  “I think I may be coming down with something, I can’t be his care-taker 24/7 if I’m sick”  “I think we should just talk to them and tell them we want to wait a bit….”

Then I prayed, “God is this wisdom?  or fear?”  (Okay, I did say it was 4:00 am and I wasn’t fully awake….Reading it back to myself I’m convinced it was fear).  I sat up in bed, turned on the light and started to pray.  The bible says “God did not give me a spirit of fear!”  I will not be afraid.

I didn’t ask for this fight.  I didn’t ask to climb back into this ring.  But I can tell you for darn sure I’m not laying down to this.  I will not bow to fear.  I need to recognize it quicker -not entertain it in my thoughts, and tell it to GO!   I didn’t ask to fight, BUT I know how to.  The WORD is my sword and I will continue to use it.

Clinically speaking —

Today we sit in a small room at the clinic.  one bed, one recliner, a chair and a stool.  The room has a window, which is nice.   The nurse drew blood, talked to us to explain potential side effects of the drugs she was infusing.  Then told us that we’d be here every day for the next month having blood drawn and then receiving whatever was needed to support Bob through the recovery of the damage that the drug she was administering was going to do.  Bob ate a popsicle while the drug infused (to decrease the circulation of the chemo to his mouth cells, because one of the side effects = mouth sores).  The chemo infused pretty quickly, the liter of fluid is just about finished.  We’re going to go eat lunch on our way home.

So far, so good.

My dad is funny.  Sometimes I don’t think he intends to be funny, but he is.  At least to his 6 kids and multiple grandkids.  He’s a yeller…so growing up in a house with 3 bedrooms and 1 bathroom and 6 kids, we all got pretty accustomed to his yelling.  Almost to the point that it doesn’t even register that he’s yelling anymore.

So yesterday afternoon when he called me screaming and yelling into the phone about mom’s blood counts….I didn’t react to the yelling, I tried to hear him out before explaining her counts to him.

He yelled, “I don’t think those doctors know what they’re even doing!  They called today to tell us she had NO BLASTS in the blood that they drew Monday!!  I don’t understand!  When they drew blood Monday they said there were blast cells, I saw it on the paper.  Now they call to say no blasts?!  I’m ready to call them and tell them we’re changing doctors…they don’t know what they’re doing??!!  How does this make any sense??”

I waited for him to finish then asked, “So you’re mad because a test showed NO BLASTS?  Dad – that’s good news.”

“You’re not listening to me!!!!!!”  yelling escalated at this point, “what I’m telling you is that these people don’t know what they’re doing!  They keep changing results….it was the same blood they drew Monday that they said had blasts….now another lab says no blasts….how the…”  exasperated, he stopped yelling and then just continued in a calm voice (this is when I realized how scared he is).  “I guess I just don’t understand this.  I just never will.”

ugh.   I should listen to dad.  Not just to his yelling, but to what he’s SAYING.  Sort of like me listening to God.  Not that God ever yells, quite the opposite.  He’s a whisperer.  But I think maybe sometimes it’s just as hard to HEAR what my dad is saying through the yelling as it is to HEAR what God is saying through that still, calm whisper.

God please be with my dad.  Give him peace.  Give him strength.  He’s reading your words EVERY day…let them sink deep, deep, deep into him.